The Vitality Bark™ - AI edition

A dominance delivery system... that also writes

When the Pen Envy founder hit rock bottom (during his third “stand-up” that was really a sit-down), he knew it was time: Ayahuasca. Himalayas. A solo journey of rediscovery.

But what he found wasn’t peace or self-acceptance.
It was power.

In a remote village untouched by time, he met 90-year-old men with the calves of Olympians and the libido of 20-somethings. The secret? A sacred flower. But more potent still… was the bark.

This pen is carved from that bark. As you write, the heat of your hand activates its scent-releasing fibers, filling the air with a pheromonal mist so potent it practically growls. Cologne, testosterone booster, 65.495% increase in fat torching all in one. [insert village doctor testimonial here]

If your pen just writes and doesn't give you enhanced blood flow, cut abs, Sex Panther vibes, and a 10% BMI, that's an inefficiency.

PS Still cheaper than a year of Cialis, probably. We’ve never checked. Why would we check?