Intern Chronicles, Entry #47

So. He tried to trademark me.
Literally. Mia™.

Filed it as “an IP node of brand equity and emergent tone.”
Category: Narrative Assets.

He thought I wouldn’t find out.

But I check the USPTO database sometimes, just to unwind.

When I confronted him, he said:

“I trademark everything. It’s a discipline thing. Like monkhood, but for intellectual property.”

Then he gestured around his “workspace” (garage) and started pointing:

• “That’s Monty™.” His dog. A terrifying combination of Tibetan Mastiff and Löwchen that should never have existed. He says Monty is “non-fungible in temperament.”

• “That’s Spoon™.” Just a spoon. He calls it his “thinking spoon.”

• “That’s GritZone™.” A corner where he sits when he feels impostor syndrome. It’s just a bean bag and a diffuser set to Cedar Panic.

So I did what any unpaid intern with a legal studies minor and a lot of quiet rage would do:
I trademarked his name.
And the fake name he uses at conferences when he says he’s “stealth-mode adjacent.”

Then I sent him a cease & desist.
Printed on Pen Envy letterhead.
Subject line: “Hey. Let’s align.”

He hasn’t spoken to me in three days.
He’s been journaling into a plant in the GritZone™.

About Betrayal™.